Football Fever

by Chandler Klang Smith

When I was in college, I was in the habit of going to the local big box retailer and purchasing entirely valueless items that amused me for one reason or another – that stood out as talismans of a mainstream America that, with my retreat into a liberal/creative/intellectual bubble of raucous theme parties and postmodern texts, midnight breakfast and puppeteering assignments, I believed myself to have entirely escaped. I purchased, for example, the Womb Bear, a stuffed animal equipped with an abdominal sound system that emitted a steady whooshing meant to imitate the constant soothing white noise in utero, but which sounded to me like a radio tuned to an ocean planet’s bleakest shore (with an angry, fuzzy face to boot). I bought a zombie cheerleader Halloween costume, complete with a gray pigtailed wig (why gray? didn’t she die as a teenager?). I reveled in the cynicism, the laziness, that was the origin story of all this useless crap. And among my treasures, perhaps most memorable, most hilarious in its sheer failure of imagination, was the magnet, which consisted only of a green strip of Astroturf, adorned with a single glued-on miniature plastic football, the size of a fingernail. FOOTBALL FEVER read the explanatory text, a strip of labelmaker tape stuck on as an afterthought below.

Image result for football cake wreck This cake captures the same spirit as that magnet of yore.

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Football Book Club Is BACK

football ouch

Autumn brings crispness to the air, pumpkin syrup shipments to coffee conglomerates, and fresh new TV commercials thanks to the start of the NFL season.

It also brings the long-anticipated return of FOOTBALL BOOK CLUB. In which all members (except for Ryan, who is weak) abstain from watching professional football in favor of reading books. And this year, we’ve got a fantastic lineup:

September 12: The Girl With All The Gifts by M.R. Carey

September 19: Zero K by Don DeLillo (first half)

September 26: Zero K (second half)

October 3: Untamed State by Roxane Gay (first half)

October 10: Untamed State (second half)

October 17: The Regional Office Is Under Attack! by Manuel Gonzales (first half)

October 24: The Regional Office Is Under Attack! (second half)

October 31: My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante (first half)

November 7: My Brilliant Friend (second half)

November 14: Ghost in the Shell by Masamune Shirow

November 21: Mr. Fox by Helen Oyeyemi (first half)

November 28: Mr. Fox (second half)

December 12: A Gambler’s Anatomy by Jonathan Lethem (first half)

December 19: A Gambler’s Anatomy (second half)

December 26: Kornwolf by Tristan Egolf (first half)

January 2: Kornwolf (second half)
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Book 1: ‘The Girl With All the Gifts’


Much like Jay Cutler in Chicago, Football Book Club is back for another year — and you’re pretty much stuck with us.

To kick things off, this week we’re reading M.R. Carey’s zombie horror novel The Girl With all the Gifts .

Tired of zombies yet? Too bad, because Ryan Joe isn’t.

He nominated The Girl With All the Gifts for FBC because “he’s really into cannibalism and because he’s intellectually LAZY and wanted to kick things off with something easy to read.”

Perfect to Each Other: On ‘How to Be Happy’ and My First Season of FBC

By Dan Bjork


How to Be Happy (proper) is preceded by an author’s note that instantly endeared me to the book: “This is not actually a book about how to be happy, however, and if you’re struggling, the following have been helpful for me.” After which, Eleanor Davis lists three books that can be a parachute, if you took the title of her book at face value and are indeed in search of one. In other words, what follows will not provide any single-entendre help. Don’t come here if what you need is a parachute. However, if what you do need is a parachute, here a few that have worked for me.

Which makes this as good a place as any to get into what I got out of the FBC this season: The beginning of a framework with which to talk about mental illness. The sort of ethereal marjoram I’ve thought around, more than about — the sort of stuff I’d never tried to digest in a way that would make any sort of communication about such possible. (And for me, being able to talk about mental illness goes hand in hand with building an understanding of it, of continually approaching a better understanding; I’m having a hard time describing a lifetime of [hopefully] increasing and multi-faceted understand, a process that is never and cannot possibly be complete, without using a word like ‘asymptotic,’ which I just now did anyway.)

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The Final Confession of Ryan Joe

By Ryan Joe

I have a confession.

I have been watching NFL football since the playoffs. That, as well as other writing projects, have kept me from updating with any degree of regularity. If you weren’t watching, the playoffs were immensely entertaining, filled with on-field heroism (Larry Fitzgerald, Aaron Rodgers), villainy (Vontaze Burfect, Adam Jones), and incompetence (Brian Hoyer, the Bengals).

It’s what makes the NFL so successful. Keep people entertained, and they’ll forget your bullshit.

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The Season Is Over: Rob’s Final Post: Part I

By Rob Casper

So the season is over for our collective teams. I was walking home last week when I spotted the Cardinals-Packers playoff game on in our local bar. Standing outside in the cold, I followed the waning seconds of regulation but decided to give up right before the last play — I said to my wife, “This is boring,” after waiting through a couple of timeouts. Which was premature, considering the 41-yard touchdown Aaron Rodgers threw. Had I seen that, I would’ve rushed home only to catch the Packers lose in overtime. (I certainly did follow the post-game scandal about NFL overtime rules, which cost the Pack in consecutive playoff losses.)

So what’s the moral? I don’t know. Because of Football Book Club, I’ve probably paid more attention to the NFL — certainly I’m more aware of how difficult it is to avoid. I can’t wait until the off-season, so that while walking past bars or in the airport or at the gym I’ll catch snippets of basketball games instead.

I also ran out of steam with our reading list, before I made it through our “regular season.” I can say this, though: How to Be Happy made me want to extend my poem analogy of my last post on Here. If the latter worked like a poem, the former reminded me of prose poems — snippets of narrative powered by strange and surprising leaps. For instance, here is “The Emotion Room:”

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Books 17 & 18: ‘End Zone’ and ‘League of Denial’

This week, Football Book Club is reading Don DeLillo’s End Zone and Mark Fainaru-Wada and Steve Fainaru’s League of DenialAnd we’ll be posting about The Private Lives of Trees by Alejandro Zambra, along with anything else we feel like throwing in there because football season is just about over and we are all in great moods because the Patriots didn’t make the Super Bowl.


Book 16: Alejandro Zambra’s ‘The Private Lives of Trees’


This week, Football Book Club is reading The Private Lives of Trees by Alejandro Zambra. And we’re posting about The Dirty Dust by Máirtín Ó Cadhain — and  How to Be Happy by Eleanor Davis and River House by Sally Keith and who knows what else because it’s the playoffs, most of our teams are done for the year, and anything goes.

Zambra was named one of Granta‘s “Best Young Spanish-Language Novelists” and The Private Lives of Trees, translated by Megan McDowell, was called “poignant and thought-provoking” byThe Midwest Book Review.

Dan nominated this title for Football Book Club because: “it centers on the story a man tells his stepdaughter before bed — improvising a new chapter every evening — and I’ve always been interested in characters who are storytellers. Especially when it feels this natural.”

Fever Dreams: On Eleanor Davis’s ‘How to Be Happy’

By Adam Boretz

Because of a high fever, ear infection, and generally delicate constitution — my doctor once told me I have the stored protein levels of “a frail elderly woman” — I ended up reading Eleanor Davis’s How to Be Happy twice.

coverThe first time, I burned through about two-thirds of the book, took my temperature — (100.5) — and then had this somewhat confusing yet characteristic text exchange with the Ryan Joe:

Me: Not Yet. But Dion. I have an ear infection because I am seven years old.
Ryan: Shit man. Feel Better! I liked How to Be Happy quite a bit.
Me: I’m halfway through. Not bad. Colorful.

Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I couldn’t remember anything I read — How to Be Happy was completely erased from my memory. I also have no idea who Dion is.

The second reading — sans fever and mostly sans ear infection — showed me that my initial reaction to the book — “Not bad. Colorful.” — was a massive understatement. And while I read the book a few weeks ago, I find myself still thinking about many of the stories in How to Be Happy.

The pieces that really resonated with me were Davis’s tales of empty, confused people searching — for emotion (“No Tears, No Sorrow”), for love (“Darling, I’ve Realized I don’t Love You”), and for meaning in everything from meditation and children to gluten-free bread:


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Getting the Most Out of One Woman’s Suffering: On ‘The Case Against Satan’

Let’s fucking hope the Catholic Church is footing the bill for this book.

The Case against Satan is ostensibly about an exorcism. The haunting cover would seem to suggest the book is concerned with the woman who does (or does not) need to be exorcised.  It is concerned with her, as far as how she arrived at her current state, sort of.  It cares about saving her, for sure. But in the simple terms of page-space allotted, the book is concerned with this woman’s suffering almost solely as a call to action for important men to set about solving a problem. That, and to allow important men to have abstract, mostly theological debates — to the point that they take a break from the exorcism,  during which the woman is bound to the bed, thrashing and bleeding – to have the following exchange:

cover‘Oh?’ Gregory turned from the window and sardonically echoed the Bishop’s earlier words: ‘Have things changed that much? Love, hate fear, pity, right and wrong, good and evil? Has God changed?’

The Bishop gently set his cup upon its saucer.

‘Touché, Gregory,’ he said. ‘You win this round.’

In terms of what will happen to these characters (people) in the future, the bishop (our figure of authority) is far more concerned with Father Gregory’s drinking problem than with what will happen to this woman when they are through with her. I’d go as far as to say the book wouldn’t be all that different if it were about about a plague of locusts, especially if the priest and the bishop involved were capable of investing some purely corporeal cause for this. Except it is about a young woman who was almost certainly raped, and has come to them for help.

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